I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
