i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
