so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
