I love black thongs
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
