dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
