my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
