i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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