It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
