turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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