He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
