I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
