hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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