Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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