Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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