Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize