omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I smell stomach acid.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
