I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
