The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
