Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
