I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
