I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
