Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
