you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
