see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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