You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
