so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
As shirtless as possible
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
