the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
