So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
