Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
