need another drink. this is the easiest way
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
