Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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