I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
