All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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