When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
