I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
