She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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