I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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