I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
