Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
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We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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