There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
