Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
