I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
