Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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