R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
me + whiskey = a bad person
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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