i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
