I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so let's talk penis.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
