After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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