Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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