i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Randomize
