i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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