Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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