Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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