he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
