Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
