mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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