why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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