I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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