shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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