break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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