I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
