I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
