Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
