were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
