Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
