you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
