That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
