people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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