I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
